Sparky’s Doesn’t Got It All

If you have ever driven down Highway 501 on the way to Myrtle Beach, you have probably seen the signs advertising Sparky’s near Marion, SC. The signs appear every few hundred feet for ten miles or so as you approach from either direction. The thing that caught my eye the other day is the proclamation on some of these signs that “Sparky’s Got It All.”

Something about that bothered me. See, Sparky’s is the name of the place, so “Sparky’s Got It All” just didn’t sound right. I wasn’t sure whether that meant that Sparky’s (Has) Got It All or that Sparky’s Has Acquired It All. In all fairness I assume and am reasonably confident that the saying “Sparky’s Got It All” simply means that there is an entity called Sparky and he/she has a lot of stuff and that the writer of the ad is not too concerned with precise grammar. I decided that the next time I went by there I would stop and see if Sparky’s had or had acquired it all.

Here’s what I discovered:

• Sparky’s is a typical beach-type souvenir shop.
• Sparky’s has a lot of stuff.
• Sparky’s doesn’t have it all.
• Sparky’s doesn’t appear to have acquired it all.

Anyway, here’s some of the stuff that Sparky’s has:

• Not-very-good, over-priced food;
• Tee shirts (mostly with South Carolina, beach or Harley Davidson stuff on them);
• Sea shells;
• Moccasins and flip flops;
• Fireworks;
• Ashtrays, little glass globes with stuff that looks like snow inside, shot glasses and other fairly useless articles with South Carolina, beach or Harley Davidson stuff on them;
• Some cute summer girls working there.

Here’s some of the stuff Sparky’s doesn’t have:

• Ad writers with a fine sense of grammar or semantics;
• Fly fishing equipment;
• Classical guitar strings;
• Marionettes;
• Scuba gear;
• Work clothes;
• A set of the Encyclopaedia Britannica;
• A prayer or meditation chamber.

Well, there you have it. Next time you’re down that way stop in and check it out. You might even see Sparky.

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